


Somewhere in the night

by Alle__Panda



Series: Reylo Theories [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben really needs a hug, Canon Compliant, Comforting Each Other, F/M, Internal Conflict, Kylo and Rey are far apart after Crait but they can't sleep, Rey Needs A Hug, Reylo theories, Secret Relationship, Speculations about episode IX, Spilers of The last Jedy novelization by Jason Fry, Spoilers of Bloodline by Claudia Gray, Star Wars Theory, The force still connected them, The others are just mentioned sometimes and nothing more, Very Reylo centric fic, cuddles in bed, force bound, lots of theories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 13:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17663336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alle__Panda/pseuds/Alle__Panda
Summary: After Crait, Kylo Ren can't sleep and thinks about the events that brought him to be alone again, being the Supreme Leader of the First Order, until the bound with Rey snaps open once again...





	Somewhere in the night

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by a song by Scott Bakula I found in one episode of Quantum Leap. "Somewhere in the night". Listen to it. It's wondeful!

 

 

The first time the bound had opened after Crait he couldn’t do anything but remaining silent and staring at her with grief and pain into his hearth. He really felt betrayed for what happened but he also knew that he probably should have listened to her…That maybe, if only he had chosen to spare the few survivors of the resistance, she would have stayed with him…

 

But then he also remembered that she probably didn’t care at all about him, because the only reason why she came to him on the Supremacy was the same one that had brought his former master to him: his power. She wasn’t different from the others who only feared him or wanted to use him because of his strength in using the force.

 

Rey only needed his help for her own purpose and nothing more. Even if his silly, foolish and boyish hearth had dared to think that she could feel the same about the two of them… Now he knew that it had been only a daydream of his. Because she didn’t accepted his offer and once again he had found himself alone. But this time the wound was deeper than the one she gave him on star killer base. This time his hearth was really aching like he never thought it could may have ached again…

 

Not after, he killed his dad. Instead, he was there, at war to himself, repeating at his stubborn brain that she never really cared about him and that’s why she had left him alone once again on that floor, surrounded by death and darkness, in the cold of space. But then, a tiny voice was screaming at him the truth that he wasn’t ready to acknowledge yet. She left him alone, it’s true.

 

But she left him alive, even knowing that when he would have woken up, he couldn’t have done his worst in order to murder her friends. The same friends she had so desperately tried to protect, even from Snoke…

 

And he did it… he pursued them, he tried to sweep them away as if they were space dust and nothing more, so full of rage as he was. But only then he realized that maybe, she didn’t chose to kill him because, somehow she truly cared about him. She had hope. Her words still rang into his ears when he effortlessly tried to get some sleep every night.

 

**_You’ll turn._ **

**_I saw it._ **

**_I’ll help you._ **

 

Oh how was it difficult for him to restrain himself in that moment, while they were so close in that turbolift. He remembered to have stared at her pink lips long enough to find the courage to kiss them, if only for a fraction of moment, but exactly when he had finally took the decision, it was already too late.

 

The doors had opened with an hiss and his former master was waiting for them. If only he had knew what he really wanted to do with Rey, he could have behaved differently… He didn’t really expect Snoke to command him to strike her with his lightsaber. For the whole time he had hoped and wondered that he would have allowed him to train her as his equal and show her the ways of the force as if it should have been since the beginning.

 

He had been so afraid knowing that she was all alone with his uncle Luke in some long lost planet, out there. She had to know about what Luke was capable of… And then she had looked so lost, so afraid, so alone… Just like him. He knew he could have been a better teacher for her. He had never really wanted to harm her.

 

Expecially not after what he had seen touching her hand. Kylo Ren sighed heavily, turning towards the cool wall on the right side of his bed. As usual, he couldn’t fall asleep. He was still thinking about that, about her. The vision was still burning behind his eyelids just like the words that he had used to address her were still ringhing into his ears.

 

**_You come from nothing._ **

**_You are nothing._ **

**_But not to me._ **

 

He knew it was a lie. He knew he shouldn’t have said that to her. But she was still so desperately full of need for a past that could have only brought much grief into her life. Her parents were already dead anyhow. That was true. So what could have mattered if she was a real nobody or a princess like his vision said? He didn’t care about that anyway. Blood and royalty had never meant anything to him before he wasn't going to care about them right now. So she shouldn’t have to care about them too. The only thing he needed was to hear from her lips that she cared about him too.

 

No matter what he did, because she already knew what he was capable of… She witnessed what he did to his father…But she also was able to see over that… In that hut she told him that it wasn’t too late for him…And so he had thought that maybe there was still hope… They could have stayed together…Bring a new order to the galaxy.

 

And so what mattered what had happened before, what happened where did they come from? He had felt on his skin how much your past can burn you alive. Even before he killed his father…Before he truly became a monster…

 

The world already thought that he was one. When he was younger he didn’t understand. His parents, and in particular his mother, never told him about who was his grand father. But Dart Vader’s memory would have last forever. They should have known that one day he would have discovered about that.

 

Now he just wishes he could have known about him from his family and not like that… But of one thing he was still sure. The past of your family isn’t yours.

 

And it is wrong to have to carry such a weight on your shoulders, day after day… It’s a burden being addressed as the heir of a men you even never met once in your life. So what does it matter where you came from? Probably he would have been just himself anyway. But not knowing about Veder hadn’t helped him, because his parents knew and they feared him… his uncle feared him… They all, always, thought about him as the monster he wasn’t yet…until he became one.

 

So he still knows how much your past, your family, can be a burden for your present and future life. And that’s why he lied to her in the end. Because of that and because he wanted her to stay at his side. It was out of mind that the Rebels would have allowed him to come back…

 

And more over, what was ‘back’? or where? Even his mother was dead now… He couldn’t manage to save her. Not like he did that first time when he let her that handwritten message on a piece of paper in order to give her the time to go away and avoid the bomb that had been prepared for her…

 

This time he couldn’t help her, because he was too weak. If he did, he couldn’t have come back to Snoke and to his new life… Kylo sighed heavily for the hundredth time, and turned on the left side of his bed. And what was his life now? Ruling the first order, surrounded by people who only feared him or wanted him dead, thinking about the girl that had taunted his dreams since…

 

He didn’t even remember when they started, but it was then that he realized that maybe…they could have stayed together… When she reached for his grand father’s lightsaber before him, on that damn snow planet. It’s you. He should have known since the beginning. But the visions never were clear. He never saw her face before. she used to wear that googles and that desert scarf. But he knew that she was her in the same moment she reached for that weapon.

 

He had only been fooled because she herself didn’t remember a thing about her true origins… Her memory had been expertly erased in order to protect her for the whole damn time. He was about to tell her on the turbolift… When he still thought that, it could have mattered… But then Snoke had chosen to lie to them both…

 

Kylo knew that his former master wasn’t the one who bridged their minds. He had always knew, since the first time she resisted him in the interrogation room. And after the touch of their hands, he was certain about that… But then the battle for their life with the pretorian guards, and then he finally was free.

 

They were free… Bus she was still holding on her past… If he had chosen to tell her what he knew, he reasoned, she would have never chose to let herself think about her future, their future… That’s why he lied to her… Because he truly, sincerely hoped that she could chose him, and him alone. He was so tired…

 

He hadn’t ever been free in his life before. Free to really chose. He had that power now. But at what price? He was still alone and… Was he really free to chose, in the end? And for chosing what? And so Kylo Ren turned once again on the right side of his too huge bed in his new quarters on the main ship of the First order…

 

He sighed once again, asking to himself what he would have done the next time that the bound would have snapped open between the two of them. He would have gained the courage to talk to her? And in order to say what? He sighed. Meanwhile another tormented soul wasn’t able to sleep… And the force made her move once again… In the same moment they realized that they were connected they both frozen on their places.

 

For a long moment neither of them dared to speak. He slowly get up on his elbows and looked at her directly in the eyes. She was half naked above the waist, the little white gown she had managed to cover only half of her tights and so she hurried to take her sheet to cover herself, her cheeks completely red. But she still didn’t say a word.

“Rey” he finally breathed out, because he couldn’t bare the silence anymore.

 

And he hated the way his voice sounded like a plea, an invocation…

 

“Ben” she answered then with a similar soft and needy voice. It was then that he noticed her eyes were glistening with tears. But before he could say a single thing, she announced:

 

“I couldn’t never ever stayed…” she said. But there wasn’t anger in her eyes, not like he had always expected. There was only grief. A feeling he was even too accustomed too.

 

“And I could have never come with you” he answered then and so he saw her jaw clench in tension. She swallowed and addressed him a weak smile. “You can’t sleep?” she asked then.

 

“No, but I can see you are not doing any better” he simply replied as if they were old friends instead of whatever they were right now. Enemies wasn’t a word he truly allowed himself to think about speaking of her. It was a lie too bigger even for him.

 

He perfectly knew the true origin of his broken hearth. It wasn’t hatred what he truly felt inside of his soul and body right now. He only lied to Luke in that moment, when they fought, because his hearth was still bleeding and he was managing not to fall apart only thanks to his rage. But now…

 

Oh force… Now he only desperately wanted to feel her warmth and squeeze her into and embrace… He couldn’t have been truly able to harm her even if he had a thousand lives to try…

 

And then she spoke again to him…

 

“Ben” she said, her eyes telling him that she was about to say something important. But before she could do it, the bound was already closed. Again. And he remained with his empty hands, knowing that somewhere in the night, maybe inside his dreams, she would have been there.

 

Her bright presence was a sort of beacon of hope even if she was far away… Because he knew that it wasn’t forever and that the bound would have opened another time.

 

Hopefully he wouldn’t have had to wait for too long…

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Sorry for the grammar. I didn't check for errors. And I wrote this instead of sleeping because I couldn't sleep...and I was thinking about many things like Kylo. I just hope you understand what I wanted to do... This kind of writing wanted to be a sort of Stream of consciousness... In order to let you know what I think Kylo experienced before and with Rey...If you like, let me know what do you think about the theories in this chapter. I would like to discuss that with you  
> Kisses :°


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